Searching for somthing that dosn't exist

Searching for somthing that dosn't exist

tylershay

[	userinfo	\|	livejournal userinfo	]
[	archive	\|	journal archive	]

Well, alot has happend

[Oct. 17th, 2004|07:02 pm]

tylershay

[

mood

happy

]

Can't even fathem mentioning everything i've done, seen, ect.... I play every night usually around midnight till 4 am. I this job is easy, and the music isn't all bad. I thought it would be mostly top 40 bullshit. I basically play Hip Hop and Regaee, some theme nights like 70's or 80's. HAving trouble remembering the faces and names of the 1200 staff on my ship, but it's getting better day by day. I have passenger status on the board wich basically means I can do whatever I want, eat where ever I want ect... not too shabby. So I am giving it a thumbs up for sure. The only downer is the fact of missing everyone back home. So hard to use the phone on the ship, it rarely works in the bahamas, and that's were we are 6 out of seven days a week.

The islands have been amazing, white sand, clear water, but the water is salty as shit. Just leaving NY right now and heading back to Miami. Time is running out ..ahh 1 min

link

All my bags are packed i'm ready to go....

[Sep. 28th, 2004|05:46 am]

tylershay

[	mood	\|	nervous	]
[	music	\|	Ben Harper - the women in you	]

I'm leaving on a Jetplane, don't know when I'll be back again, oh babe, I hate to go.......

link

Well off to miami tommorow...

[Sep. 27th, 2004|11:28 pm]

tylershay

[	mood	\|	drunk	]
[	music	\|	Punk Goes Acoustic	]

It's been a while since I have written in this journal, hella busy. Burned 200+ CD's for my job. In Van right now ready to wake up at 5am for my flight. Going to be in Texas for 3 hours while waiting for my next flight. When I arrive in Miami, i'm being put up in a hotel for the night.

Nervous as hell for going on the ship, going to change my whole life. Hopefully I will come back happier than I am right now. Hopefully I can meet some people who are honest and don't lie to my face.

Drinking wine really fast right now try to to calm my nerves about the last few days and how fucked up and unexpected they were. All the lies, lies and lies. Spur the moment giving notice and getting all my shit out of my apartment when I was planning to keep it while I was gone. The drinking and hangovers. The running around. Sleepless nights.

Only thinking about the moment. No more worries. Enjoying each and every moment of my pathetic little life. There was no problem, never was and never will be. Releasing concerns, letting go of my struggle and going to relax into the world. No reason to resist life, so i'm going to just do my best.

You don't get what you want, you suffer. You get what you don't want, you suffer. Even when you get exactly what you want you still suffer because you can't hold on to it for ever. A wise man once said life is only suffering if you chose to suffer it. I'm going to give it an honest shot anyways.

link

Well, I cried myself to sleep, yet again

[Sep. 15th, 2004|02:56 am]

tylershay

[	mood	\|	scared	]
[	music	\|	Puddle of mudd - Take it all away ( acoustic )	]

I then dreamed of a life that does not closely resemble hell. I wish I could just stay asleep. All I want is for this pain to end. Why must the best things that ever happen to me end up so bad.

I don't want to spread any blasphemous rumours, but I think that God had a sick sense of humor, and when I die I suspect to find him laughing - David Gahan

link

I don't know if i'm ever going to come back...

[Sep. 14th, 2004|07:35 pm]

tylershay

[	mood	\|	indescribable	]
[	music	\|	NIN - Hurt	]

It just occurred to me that I don't really have a whole lot here. I have a few friends here. I don't have anyone I can really talk to.

I ask myself, what the hell is keeping me here? Besides the obvious Family and few friends I have, I can't think of anything that would make me want to return. I sit here in agony with no one I can even trust or talk to, with tears in my eyes. Why would I come back?????? So I have decided to sell my car and my stuff that is of any value.

I am going to work for four months and then, the month that I have off, i'm going to travel until my next four month job. Hopefully I can just save a lil' money and buy a house somewhere foreign.

I'll come back as an old, but very cultured man....

At least that's what I feel like doing right now. at this point, it would take something huge to change my mind

link

sigh	[Sep. 14th, 2004\|07:09 pm] tylershay
Well it's Tuesday.... and that's about it. I just watched "How to lose a guy in 10 day". The only movie in the place that I have not seen. Why did a tear come out of my eye when I was watching that awful chick flick? I guess because I so desperately want someone to care about me. Anyways, off that topic, been there done that. I am pretty set on leaving still. I guess I havn't technically signed the contract yet. I am so unhappy here that I think if I stay and things keep going the way they are, I will literally go insane. So off to the Caribbean (right during hurricane season) where I will play awful music for hundreds of really drunk foreigners. ~woot~ Some might say i'm running away from my problems here. Well.... um..... I guess they are right... but fuck you. I am going to run away, just hopefully my problems won't follow me. So I guess i'll be flying from Vancouver to Miami on Sept 28th where I will jump on the Norwegian Dawn. Once aboard i'll be heading to New York, then to US Virgin Islands, to St. Johns, Antigua, to Barbados, to Grenada, to Dominican Republic, to British Virgin Islands, then back to New York. I guess i'm doing this trip like 4 times then it switches up and I go somewhere else. Where? Your guess is as good as mine.
link

Basically sums up how I feel

[Sep. 11th, 2004|08:00 pm]

tylershay

[	mood	\|	stressed	]
[	music	\|	David Gray - This Years Love	]

What on earth is going on in my heart
Has it turned as cold as stone
Seems these days I don't feel anything
Less it cuts me right down to the bone
What on earth is going on in my heart

My oh my you know it just don't stop
It's in my mind I wanna tear it up
I've tried to fight it tried to turn it off
But it's not enough
It takes a lotta love
It takes a lotta love my friend
To keep your heart from freezing
To push on till the end

My oh my What on earth is going on in my head
You know I used to be so sure
You know I used to be so definite
Thought I knew what love was for
I look around these days and I'm not so sure

My oh my you know it just don't stop
It's in my mind I wanna tear it up
I've tried to fight it tried to turn it off
But it's not enough
It takes a lotta love It takes a lotta love my friend
To keep your heart from freezing
To push on till the end
My oh my you know I just can't win
I burn it down it comes right back again
What kinda world is this we're living in
where you never win
It takes a lotta love
It takes a lotta love these days
To keep your heart from freezing
To keep your spirit free

My oh my you know it just don't stop
It's in my mind I wanna tear it up
I've tried to fight it tried to turn it off
But it's not enough
It takes a lotta love
It takes a lotta love my friend
To keep your heart from freezing
To push on till the end
My oh my it just don't stop

link

I love when people involve themselfs in my life

[Sep. 11th, 2004|07:34 pm]

tylershay

[	mood	\|	angry	]
[	music	\|	The Used - Bulimic	]

Stay the fuck out of my personal business.... grrrr ...

link

17 Days and counting

[Sep. 11th, 2004|01:50 am]

tylershay

[	mood	\|	melancholy	]
[	music	\|	Postal Service - Such Great Heights	]

Well I just yesterday decided for sure to take the job on Norwegian Cruise Lines. I have a list a mile long of stuff to do. Ken and I payed $500 for a library full of music (200 CD's) of all the bullshit Top 40, bar star music that I will have to play aboard the boat. Got a Huge BackPack and 200 blank CD's... Two things crossed off my list now just another 30 to go. *sigh* I am trying not to let things distract me, but it's hard. Found out that a certain someone is basically telling as many people as possible a whole bunch of lies about me to make me look bad. Seeing these lies for my self over the last few months makes me think that everything was between was a lie and everything that was said was a lie. Sorry Venting... Wait... Who the fuck am I apologizng to? Anyways, new commitment.... Don't let myself get walked all over again! Quit giving everything to people, and in turn, quit letting people treat me like shit and then tell me i'm treating them like shit. Also, I will break off all communication from people playing head games, because quite frankly, i'm too god damn old for that shit. Again with the venting. Click anywhere to see my first trip,

link

Log in